Running out of drugs

I ran out of Atenolol AGAIN... with the camping and things being stolen it was the farthest thing from the forefront of my mind and when I finally realized I needed some more it was too late to get it in time. So I've been out for a couple of days and today it finally hit me. I woke up way too hazy to function so I called off of work (plus it was raining and I walk roughly a mile there) and went back to bed until 4 and laid in bed on and off until 6 because anytime I sat up for longer than I minute I got extremely nauseous. Not fun.

POTS+Camping=Hmmm

My two week sojourn in Maine was an interesting time. We arrived with two naked weeks ahead of us with no real plan on what to do. My co-campers were most interested in doing some serious hiking, so hiking we went.

I'm horribly out of shape. I'm getting better about it, but at the time I was horribly out of shape. When you have to devote a month of your life to literally nothing but papers, exercise tends to fall by the wayside. I didn't have the time nor the energy to use one of Pitt's ten billion gyms. Plus, I hate cardiovascular exercise. Always have. Even when I was a kid and an active gymnast in the best shape of my life I hated cardio. Since my heart can barely regulate itself sitting down, it doesn't have much of a chance when movement comes into the picture.

Hiking up mountains is something of a workout. For the first few hikes I went along but the first time we tackled a trail labeled "Strenuous" I lost it. The trail was literally crazy steep stairs for 1,000 feet in the air with LADDERS. I had to stop every 10 feet. I felt like I was going to pass out. My heart was all over the place. I was being cruelly reminded with every step I took that yes, I was different. It was then that my co-campers realized I wasn't having a good time at this and told me it was OK if I wanted to sit things out. So anytime they went on a hike labeled "strenuous" (which was every time after than except for one) I gladly sat in the car watching Angel on DVD.

Being alone in the woods, or even with other people in the woods, gives you a lot of time to think. Although the trip was an overall positive experience, I experienced a lot of darkness on the trip thanks to the POTS. I felt like a weak link. I felt useless. I felt like I was raining on everyone's good time and holding everyone up. The three I was with had been working out for about a month prior to the trip, but I didn't have the time nor the desire (because I hate cardio) to join them. So here they are running up the mountains like they're nothing and I'm some out of breath dragass. Great feeling. I resented them for a while until I realized they really weren't thinking negatively of me for being slow, they don't care. That's why I'm friends with them. They treat my illness like I want it to be regarded: as though it's some minor quirk like having a twin or being left-handed. I don't wish to attract attention because of it, just live among you. And most of the time I succeed.

Atenolol's back!

I got my Atenolol in the mail yesterday I took my first redose today. This morning I woke up weak and knowing it was going to be a bad POTS day. I was on the verge of skipping class until I realized that today was proofing day here at work (I make the events calendar for a faculty and staff newspaper) and the extra 3 hours of sleep at that point would probably have just made things worse, so to class I went. I was using the cane from the get go today. I could feel the Atenolol kick in because around 10:30 I perked up a little more and my stomach started hurting. Still hurts. And I'm STILL full from a giant late dinner I had last night.

One interesting thing about being off the Atenolol is that at times I could actually taste the adrenaline in my mouth. Yeah, it really needed to be suppressed. I feel like I have slightly more energy now, but would love a nap later on today.

Stomach Blah

After deliberation, I've decided to bring up my GI issues with my doc when I go in on Friday. I haven't eaten in 5 hours and I'm still bloated and gassy and having good ol' dulled stomach pain. Of course, this could also be because today was the first day of that time of the month, which generally makes this worse.

Today I had a random flare up while walking to class. After work I went to Subway for some dinner and then walked to class. The walk from the Subway I was at to my class was around 9 or 10 blocks (note: these are Oakland/Pittsburgh blocks which can be small... it was about a half a mile). This isn't an unusual amount of walking for me. On my way there my heart was beating ridiculously fast and I had to sit down. Taking my pulse it was about 180 or so. I got my cane out to finish the walk to class.

Job I Can't have: Professional Mover

Lifting heavy objects plus POTS equals No Good.

North Carolina is in pretty severe drought right now. My family uses a well. If there isn't enough water, the well either dries up or the water filter gets clogged with silt and gunk, causing us to have no water pressure. The gunk is actually ironically enough from recent rainfall we've had, stirring up the silt and whatnot.

However, I didn't know the water was going to crap out on me until halfway through a washing machine cycle. After a couple of hours we realized the water wasn't going to come back so I had to load sopping wet, smelly clothes into a couple of trashbags and haul them to my dad's house, where I proceeded to finish the laundry.

I wasn't having any symptoms today until I had to lift those ridiculously heavy bags and haul them out to the truck. Then my heart started racing and I got kind of dizzy. I shook it off and continued on, but it left me thinking that I should really refrain from lifting heavy objects.

Survey Meme

I got tagged by Lindsay over at Living With Fibromyalgia to do this survey (Hurray, people actually read this!)

For readers new to the meme challenge, here are the rules:

1-Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog
2-Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird
3-Tag 6 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs
4- Let them know they are TAGGED by leaving a comment on their blog

1. I've played clarinet and guitar since I was 11.
2. I'm a pagan.
3. I'm a vegetarian.
4. Harper is actually my middle name. Emily is my first. There are too many Emilys, so I'm starting to go by Harper.
5. I have a tattoo of a kokopelli on my hip and a ghecko on my back.
6. I plan on moving to the southwest eventually.
7. I've dyed my hair with funny colors more time that I can count (It's currently black on the bottom and blonde up top).

In other news, I've been pretty clear on the symptom front. Except for a flare yesterday. I was at church having choir practice after the service (Yes, I just said I'm pagan. I go because the church people are nice and my mom needed another alto). Episcopalian church services are the absolute worst for a POTS patient. Stand up, sing, sit down, kneel, lather, rinse, repeat. It's gotten to the point where I don't do most of the standing anymore. Everyone there's pretty understanding though, so I'm not looked at scornfully when I sit when the bulliten says stand. Anyhow, after the service the church was greened up for Christmas eve and the choir looked over the music we're singing for our performance before the service. This involved a lot of idle standing, also not a friend of the POTS patient. I had to sit down to sing the last number.

I hope everyone has a good holiday. I just got back from a Christmas eve party with my family. Tomorrow I will be opening presents at my mom's, dad's, and then at the bed and breakfast where my extended family is staying. My dad remarried in September and I have a stepbrother and stepsister. This will be their first Christmas with my family. Hopefully we won't scar them too badly.

Shopping? Ugh.

Thanks to POTS I may be one of the rare few of the female kind that doesn't like to shop. I generally don't go out of my way to go shopping in Pittsburgh... I don't have a car and I live in the city. Most of the shopping centers are in the suburbs and not pedestrian friendly. It takes a pretty good chunk of ones afternoon to negotiate a shopping trip... time I don't have.

However, I'm in North Carolina for the holidays and the only thing my friends and I could think of to do was shop. So we loaded up and drove an hour to a mall in Charlotte. I had my energy for a good little while... as long as we kept moving. My one friend got sucked into Wet Seal and with her, once she goes in, fat chance of getting her out for a while. Of course not many of the clothes there interested me, so all there was to do was stand around. Standing around makes me light headed, weak, cranky, and hot. At this point I'm relying on the cane I carry around with me for such events. Luckily by then we had to leave the mall to get back home for an engagement... as opposed to more standing around.

So yeah, that's why it's hardly ever my idea to go shopping. When I go, I feel like crap.