My two week sojourn in Maine was an interesting time. We arrived with two naked weeks ahead of us with no real plan on what to do. My co-campers were most interested in doing some serious hiking, so hiking we went.
I'm horribly out of shape. I'm getting better about it, but at the time I was horribly out of shape. When you have to devote a month of your life to literally nothing but papers, exercise tends to fall by the wayside. I didn't have the time nor the energy to use one of Pitt's ten billion gyms. Plus, I hate cardiovascular exercise. Always have. Even when I was a kid and an active gymnast in the best shape of my life I hated cardio. Since my heart can barely regulate itself sitting down, it doesn't have much of a chance when movement comes into the picture.
Hiking up mountains is something of a workout. For the first few hikes I went along but the first time we tackled a trail labeled "Strenuous" I lost it. The trail was literally crazy steep stairs for 1,000 feet in the air with LADDERS. I had to stop every 10 feet. I felt like I was going to pass out. My heart was all over the place. I was being cruelly reminded with every step I took that yes, I was different. It was then that my co-campers realized I wasn't having a good time at this and told me it was OK if I wanted to sit things out. So anytime they went on a hike labeled "strenuous" (which was every time after than except for one) I gladly sat in the car watching Angel on DVD.
Being alone in the woods, or even with other people in the woods, gives you a lot of time to think. Although the trip was an overall positive experience, I experienced a lot of darkness on the trip thanks to the POTS. I felt like a weak link. I felt useless. I felt like I was raining on everyone's good time and holding everyone up. The three I was with had been working out for about a month prior to the trip, but I didn't have the time nor the desire (because I hate cardio) to join them. So here they are running up the mountains like they're nothing and I'm some out of breath dragass. Great feeling. I resented them for a while until I realized they really weren't thinking negatively of me for being slow, they don't care. That's why I'm friends with them. They treat my illness like I want it to be regarded: as though it's some minor quirk like having a twin or being left-handed. I don't wish to attract attention because of it, just live among you. And most of the time I succeed.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Monday, May 19, 2008
Ultrasound
Hey guys,
I got back from Maine a few days ago and I'll write later about those adventures. For now, I thought I'd catch up on the ultrasound, which I never wrote about.
I went to Magee Women's Hospital here in Pittsburgh (and two blocks from my apartment) for the procedure. It took place in the Breast Center. I had to remove my top and bra and put on a robe that looked as though I should be serving sushi at a Japanese restaurant. The center had soft lighting, immaculate decorations and looked very inviting and comforting. In the second waiting room after you had changed they even had free tea. I had to sit in a 3rd waiting area for about an hour before they called me back. In that time I managed to read People from cover to cover and felt as though I had lost several brain cells. Also while waiting a nurse came up to a woman near and said "miss the doctor would like to see you now." She said "They found something didn't they?" And the nurse said "Kind of... I'll let the doctor explain." That was kind of unnerving to watch... just about as bad as that time I was in the ER freshman year and heard a woman die in the triage unit I was in.
The procedure itself wasn't bad at all. Just some goop and a wand to look for things. I had felt the lump go down significantly over the days leading up to the procedure so I wasn't surprised when they couldn't find anything. So the good news is: No cancer here!
I wasn't sure whether or not to be comforted or patronized by how the hospital had gone out of their way to make the breast center over the top warm and inviting. It honestly didn't ease my nerves one bit. You're not going to trick me into thinkng that having a deadly disease is a cup of tea. Cancer is still cancer, no matter how you dress it up and all the free tea in the world doesn't change that. I've never had cancer and I hope to never experience it, but if cancer patients are anywhere near as bitter as I am when it comes to medical stuff, they'd probably feel as though their intellects had just been insulted. I also can't help but feel that a prostate cancer center for men would probably not been as over the top done as what the breast center's was. So to the breast center: save some money and just stick to the standard waiting room shtick.
I got back from Maine a few days ago and I'll write later about those adventures. For now, I thought I'd catch up on the ultrasound, which I never wrote about.
I went to Magee Women's Hospital here in Pittsburgh (and two blocks from my apartment) for the procedure. It took place in the Breast Center. I had to remove my top and bra and put on a robe that looked as though I should be serving sushi at a Japanese restaurant. The center had soft lighting, immaculate decorations and looked very inviting and comforting. In the second waiting room after you had changed they even had free tea. I had to sit in a 3rd waiting area for about an hour before they called me back. In that time I managed to read People from cover to cover and felt as though I had lost several brain cells. Also while waiting a nurse came up to a woman near and said "miss the doctor would like to see you now." She said "They found something didn't they?" And the nurse said "Kind of... I'll let the doctor explain." That was kind of unnerving to watch... just about as bad as that time I was in the ER freshman year and heard a woman die in the triage unit I was in.
The procedure itself wasn't bad at all. Just some goop and a wand to look for things. I had felt the lump go down significantly over the days leading up to the procedure so I wasn't surprised when they couldn't find anything. So the good news is: No cancer here!
I wasn't sure whether or not to be comforted or patronized by how the hospital had gone out of their way to make the breast center over the top warm and inviting. It honestly didn't ease my nerves one bit. You're not going to trick me into thinkng that having a deadly disease is a cup of tea. Cancer is still cancer, no matter how you dress it up and all the free tea in the world doesn't change that. I've never had cancer and I hope to never experience it, but if cancer patients are anywhere near as bitter as I am when it comes to medical stuff, they'd probably feel as though their intellects had just been insulted. I also can't help but feel that a prostate cancer center for men would probably not been as over the top done as what the breast center's was. So to the breast center: save some money and just stick to the standard waiting room shtick.
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